Jen's Conversation with God

God and I have had a certain conversation for many, many years now. It is only now that I am beginning to hear Him. Now mind you, I said, hear him, not necessarily listen. (Although, I am forever trying to change that.) Our conversation has been a small whisper from Him for example, He says, "No, not now...", or "Jen...you are not in control...I am." Sometimes the whisper turns into a firm statement and at times in my life it has been a desperate (as desperate as God could ever be) call to me to remember who is in control. Always has His whisper and calls been loving and steadfast, never out of anger or out of irritation. He has been forever loving, just, comforting and true. So during this pregnancy He has whispered ever so gently all nine months to me to stay quiet and listen. Our conversations go like this...

"Oh my gosh, I am pregnant, God, I can't take another miscarriage! Please spare me!" Jen pleaded
"My dear child...don't you know by now I will get you through anything?" God replied.
"But God, I have to try to remain calm because I am going to keep this baby, you wouldn't let me loose again, it must be part of Your plan."
"Wait...you'll see. I am in control." God said
"Lord Jesus, please help me not to worry, I am on my knees and my heart is beating faster as I wait to get a glimpse of your creation on this ultrasound screen. Please, please Lord I will not be able to loose again. I am not strong enough. Please let there be a hearbeat."
"It's okay....I am in control. I can and will get you through anything. Don't you know that by now."
"Oh Jesus please help me to trust your promises of strength to endure all things through You." I begged. "Why do I have to have placenta previa....I always have to have something. Can't I just have a normal pregnancy?"
"Shhhh, it's okay. I am here and always will be."
"God today my perfect pregnancy is over. I have gestational diabetes and now I may not deliver in the natural birthing center. This is not the way I planned it Lord."
"Jennifer, don't you know what I have planned for you? Trust me."
"Oh God, please don't let me have this baby early. I can't handle another thing. I shouldn't be contracting at 33 weeks. I didn't plan it this way. I can't have this baby until at least 34!"
"Jen, just wait."
"Praise God, I have made it to 36 weeks! Now I can have this baby as I have planned in the natural birthing center and I am ready to go now Lord. Any day now!"
"Shhh...listen...it is my plan."
"Oh Lord I am not ready for this pain. I have been having 5 days of contractions and I am off to the hospital. This is it! Lord help me get through this, and thank you for helping get what I wanted...to get to 36 weeks!"
"Oh my gosh! What do they mean, Lord that I haven't progressed. After all those contractions, I just want to have this baby safe in my arms Lord. We have waited so long!"
"Jen...wait. In my time she will be here. She is safe."
"Okay God, I get it. It has been 4 days since I was in the hospital and apparently all of these contractions aren't doing a hoot to get things going. I am almost 37 weeks and I am not progressing since Sunday. Wouldn't you know it, we are so prepared for her arrival. I've left work on maternity, her room is ready, my bags are packed...Lord what's the hold up?"
"Shhh, Jen, I have created her, I have created you. I know your life and how it will go and hers too. Enjoy your pregnancy you have so desired. I am giving this child to you. She will arrive when I say she will. Do you understand now that I am in control? You don't have anything to do with it. It is a blessing for all women to carry My creation close to their hearts. So please enjoy it."